The interim reports are about to be sent home, and my students have become afflicted with the Fear. They come to me at all times with palms outspread begging for absolution for half a semester of apathetic stares, classroom clowning, innumerable absences, and missing work. The teachers with experience warned me. Handouts enable academic apathy and lower standards, they explained. It hurts to be harsh, but they'll rise to your standards. I knew that they knew better, and their advice ran true. Yet I chose to ignore their advice, and give the students the chance they begged for.
The result: burn out and disillusionment
Bombarded with make-up work at the end of each grading period, I would grade for hours and hours at books-a-million with no end in sight. Students who came in for make up work managed, after much effort, to only pull their grades up to a D or not at all (thus wasting both of our time). Foolish as I was, despite all of this, I still believed in giving the students a chance to succeed.
It's not until now, when I've taken an extra teaching load and literally CAN'T give them that chance, that I'm realizing the truth about what those other teachers said. It's like I'm seeing it with new eyes: these same students who despite my constant promptings, refocusing, encouragement, and calls home throughout the semester, managed to get nothing of substance completed and are now begging for handouts at my door. And they do it, because they know they can get away with it. Accomplishing the absolute minimum passing grade by putting in no effort during the class, a bit of shameless begging, and a whole lot of copying at the end of the semester was their goal from the start.
Honestly, it's a heart-breaking, frustrating, and infuriating realization. However, it's a lesson I could only learn by experience. Were I to merely follow those gems of wisdom given by my coworkers without fully understanding why, I would inevitably revert back to my naive reasoning of second chances. Just one more challenge faced and overcome in my journey towards becoming the best educator I can be. I feel I am so much better for it.
Showing posts with label english teacher. Show all posts
Showing posts with label english teacher. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Killing Trees
Doing better these days. This year has been such a rollercoaster ride! There are so many emotional highs and lows when it comes to teaching in a school like this.
Bookbags must have black holes living inside of them. Everytime I hand out a worksheet, it disappears to the same unknown as planetary dust, meteorids, and even light. I've passed out the same worksheet at least four times to no avail. I should charge a 10 dollar fee for missing worksheets, then maybe I would break even on my bills each month.
It's ironic because my kids are always encouraging me to "go green" on the paper. Much as I would love to delude myself with the idea that my kids are informed and altruistic enough to have this motivation on their own, alas I must face the reality that they really have no concept of what "going green" implies other than what Kanye tells them (which isn't much). The same conciencious young mind that reminds me to pass out less worksheets has no qualms about leaving scads of blank filler paper all over the floor at the end of the day. Sometimes I wonder if I have students or hamsters in here.
Bookbags must have black holes living inside of them. Everytime I hand out a worksheet, it disappears to the same unknown as planetary dust, meteorids, and even light. I've passed out the same worksheet at least four times to no avail. I should charge a 10 dollar fee for missing worksheets, then maybe I would break even on my bills each month.
It's ironic because my kids are always encouraging me to "go green" on the paper. Much as I would love to delude myself with the idea that my kids are informed and altruistic enough to have this motivation on their own, alas I must face the reality that they really have no concept of what "going green" implies other than what Kanye tells them (which isn't much). The same conciencious young mind that reminds me to pass out less worksheets has no qualms about leaving scads of blank filler paper all over the floor at the end of the day. Sometimes I wonder if I have students or hamsters in here.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Another day in paradise
I used to think that crying because of your job was just a first year thing. I never imagined that I would be fighting back tears 4 years into my career, especially since I survived my first year without a single tear. I realize now, however, that in an urban school, crying is quite normal for teachers at all levels of experience. I've never seen so many coworkers sitting in their classrooms during planning or after school with red eyes and crumpled tissues.
Today I had an eye-welling moment as I was trying to get through Caesar. Progress through the play had been painfully slow because certain students would interupt the class shouting out, "I need to go to the bathroom" or "I don't got a book". Those I did not allow to put their heads down during the class shouted disruptively until I had to send them down to the office. Every other day I need to call security down to pull another defiant or disruptive student out of the class. The more I told them to remain silent, the more some of them protested, joked, laughed, and caused mayhem. Finally, I grew so frustrated trying to move on with the play that I told them they could figure it out themselves and take the quiz on their own. I sat down and ignored them while I made up a quiz. To my amazement, they grew quiet. The two noisiest students actually started trying reading the play on their own. The one student who, no matter what, would not listen, got up and walked out. The rest were silent.
I waited another minute or two, then asked the class if they were ready to continue on. They were and we were able to move forward. It was so hard to let go though, you always want to keep working and helping them. But I had enough of their manipulating. Once I started ignoring them, it came clear to me that they merely wanted attention, and I was giving it to them by telling them to be quiet or trying to regulate them. It was a really hard lesson though, and before I sat down and ignored them, I was 2 seconds from breaking into tears.
Our job is so difficult. Most people in the outside world seem to understand that, but you never really understand it until you've lived it. That's why no amount of classroom education can prepare you for teaching. The experienced teachers told me about the ignoring thing, but I didn't really understand it until I went through it today. There are so many aspects of this job that you have to learn the hard way, step by step, and day by day.
It's all worth it though. I look at myself and sometimes marvel at how much patience I've acquired since I started. I'm so much stronger in ways I never would've imagined. Most of all, I actually did something to help people. I love that. I love that I help people all day long. I love my job! It kills me, but I love it.
Today I had an eye-welling moment as I was trying to get through Caesar. Progress through the play had been painfully slow because certain students would interupt the class shouting out, "I need to go to the bathroom" or "I don't got a book". Those I did not allow to put their heads down during the class shouted disruptively until I had to send them down to the office. Every other day I need to call security down to pull another defiant or disruptive student out of the class. The more I told them to remain silent, the more some of them protested, joked, laughed, and caused mayhem. Finally, I grew so frustrated trying to move on with the play that I told them they could figure it out themselves and take the quiz on their own. I sat down and ignored them while I made up a quiz. To my amazement, they grew quiet. The two noisiest students actually started trying reading the play on their own. The one student who, no matter what, would not listen, got up and walked out. The rest were silent.
I waited another minute or two, then asked the class if they were ready to continue on. They were and we were able to move forward. It was so hard to let go though, you always want to keep working and helping them. But I had enough of their manipulating. Once I started ignoring them, it came clear to me that they merely wanted attention, and I was giving it to them by telling them to be quiet or trying to regulate them. It was a really hard lesson though, and before I sat down and ignored them, I was 2 seconds from breaking into tears.
Our job is so difficult. Most people in the outside world seem to understand that, but you never really understand it until you've lived it. That's why no amount of classroom education can prepare you for teaching. The experienced teachers told me about the ignoring thing, but I didn't really understand it until I went through it today. There are so many aspects of this job that you have to learn the hard way, step by step, and day by day.
It's all worth it though. I look at myself and sometimes marvel at how much patience I've acquired since I started. I'm so much stronger in ways I never would've imagined. Most of all, I actually did something to help people. I love that. I love that I help people all day long. I love my job! It kills me, but I love it.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
First Blog!
Hello Hello everyone!
I've decided to create this blog as a means of blowing off some steam from the rigors and stresses that come from that almighty occupation of teacher. Fellow educators, please feel free to join in the commiseration as well as wallow in the warm fuzzy glow of our altruistic aims to improve the world in which we live.
I've decided to create this blog as a means of blowing off some steam from the rigors and stresses that come from that almighty occupation of teacher. Fellow educators, please feel free to join in the commiseration as well as wallow in the warm fuzzy glow of our altruistic aims to improve the world in which we live.
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